One Day My Soul Just Opened Up by Iyanla Vanzant

Author:Iyanla Vanzant
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Atria Books
Published: 1999-09-17T00:00:00+00:00

Honor Others with … NONJUDGMENT

Working Definition:

The principle we are working with today is NONJUDGMENT. It is a state of mental and emotional openness and receptivity to new experiences and new interpretations of past experiences. Observation of people and/or participation in events without the imposing of personal will, perceptions, or criticisms.

Commentary on NONJUDGMENT

Every parent wants their child or children to be the very best they can be. Along with this very natural, very normal desire comes the parent’s perspective of exactly how good the child can be and how they should go about demonstrating that goodness. Parents have rules, parameters, and guideposts that measure how well the child is doing. Although they don’t like to admit it, I think most parents also have a time line. They want it done this way, by this time. They say it is for the child’s benefit. Parents know, you know, what happens to idle hands and minds. Not only did they read it in the Bible, they have also witnessed what has happened to their own peers and the offspring of their peers who were not fully committed to the pursuit of becoming good. When the offspring fail to demonstrate satisfactory progress toward the goal of goodness, parents naturally assume the kid is off smoking weed or gambling over in the devil’s workshop.

I know a lot about this. You see, I am the parent of three offspring. One was born good and never strayed off the path. Another had some vague idea that good existed, and tried desperately to figure out where it lived. Another, I judged, could not identify good if it jumped up and bit her on the butt. None of my offspring are dead, so all of this was subject to change. Before the change could take place I went into fear. In the midst of my fear, I subjected them all to the natural, normal parental judgments, comparisons, criticisms, and hysteria that threatened to destroy our relationship. I judged them to be irresponsible, unfocused, uncommitted, and downright lazy. I learned from a very dear friend that what I was looking at had absolutely nothing to do with my children. I viewed them by the judgments I had made about myself.

I came from a dysfunctional, impoverished background. I got pregnant at sixteen. I dropped out of school. I married young. I had a bad marriage. I struggled to raise my three children alone, hoping, praying, and doing everything in my power to ensure that my children did not make the same mistakes that I did. I wanted more for them. Admittedly, I had no idea what the more was or what it would take to get it, but I thought I knew very well the things that would push them along the same path I had traveled. I was always on the lookout for those things. The things I had done. The things I had said. The behaviors I had exhibited. Whenever I saw signs of me in my children, I became angry.

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